The football World Cup and your home security
It’s that time again. Dig out the Panini sticker album, make your excuses for working from home for the next month, and get the drinks and snacks ordered in. Yes, the World Cup is almost here, and whilst the enthusiasm is rather muted by the fact it’s being held slap bang in the middle of the domestic football season, and in a country with very questionable human rights when it comes to certain things, it’s still four weeks of one of the greatest tournaments on earth. So a little excitement can be forgiven.
Now I know some of you will be looking forward to it about as much as Matt Hancock looked forward to a bushtucker trial, so don’t worry, I will slyly be combining the subject of the football world cup with the subject of home security for the next 800 words, give or take. So, you know, there’s something for everyone. Unless you have no interest in football or home security in which case this might not be for you, and I’ll see you back here in December.
From goalkeepers to attackers: The importance of home security in football
Apologies to any Welsh fans reading this, but I’m going to concentrate on the squad England are sending to Qatar, and showing how building a team to challenge for the World cup is akin to making sure your home is properly secure. And if you think this is just an excuse to come up with some footballer/locksmith puns, well, you’d be half right.
As an example, let’s have a look at England’s goalkeepers, Jordan Pickford and Nick Pope. We want these fellas to be protected and to see as little action as possible. Primarily because we’d prefer the action to be at the other end of the pitch, but from a home security point of view just look at those names – they bring up the thought of both lock picking, and nicking belongings. Enough to make a locksmith shudder, and so we want as little mention as those as possible, and that’s where our defence comes in.
Left back is an important position in a team, protecting against the opposition’s right wingers (no Donald Trump jokes here please). And in that position England have Luke Shaw. Handily, for our pun and security needs, if you say his name in a strange accent, it sounds a bit like Lock Sure. And wouldn’t you know it, that’s just what we need to be in our own homes – sure of our own locks. (if you think that’s a tenuous link, buckle in). As all good teams need protection at the back, so too does our home, and the lock we fit on our exterior door is pretty much the last line of defence against a burglar. Get that sorted with an up to date, anti-snappable, quality lock and you’re half way to the home security world cup.

Along with a lock, the other item I bang on about time and again on these pages is a burglar alarm. An alarm that is set on a regular basis, and maintained to a decent standard is worth its weight in gold. Although don’t send it off in the post to one of those gold buying companies that advertise all over the local radio – they won’t be of the same opinion. Our England team know the importance of a house alarm too. After all why else would they have picked Kieran Trippier and Jude Bellingham? That’s right – so that if the defence is in danger of being breached, the alarm is Trippiered and an alarm Bell(ingham) sounds, alerting the rest of the players. This must have been at the forefront of Gareth Southgate’s mind when he picked the pair.
England’s squad to Qatar: a guide to home security
You can’t have failed to notice the darker evenings, and this again will be unusual for a world cup – watching any 4pm or 7pm kickoffs on our televisions when it’s dark outside. None of the usual beer garden or barbecue football parties that might have happened with a summer world cup. Burglars thrive on darkness as it gives them added protection against any detection. That’s why I always recommend exterior security lights for use in the winter months. Motion activated ones are best, and they often make a burglar think again. England have the same idea, clearly, as they have included Mason Mount as an attacking midfielder. You can’t have a light without something to mount in on, so It’s clear what the thinking was there. (I told you to buckle in for more tenuous links).
Now we just need some all-out attackers for our forward line. When it comes to our homes, a security camera is a wonderful deterrent for any would-be burglars. However, in times gone by these have very much been the preserve of the wealthy – much like a Premier League centre forward who breaks the transfer record. However, with the progress of technology, cameras can now be purchased for much more lower league prices now. Not only that, but using wi-fi often means there isn’t all the tricky and lengthy installation to get the system fitted. This will save you a lot of (Raheeem) Sterling in comparison to 10 or 20 years ago. (And yes, I was struggling a bit with a striker pun. Wales may have been bit easier to be honest, with Gareth Yale). Regardless, a security camera really can take your house to the top of the table, and with the lock, alarm and lights in place too, your home will be challenging for honours as the most secure on the street.
All that’s left is to wish Gareth Securitygate and his boys all the best in Qatar. It might not be the venue we wanted, but I’m sure we’ll get invested one way or other throughout the four weeks.